so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
