I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
