I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
