I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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