If i come over, it means nothing
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
