You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
