I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
