The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I want a musical about memes.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
