Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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