Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
