who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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