my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
