Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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