I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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