Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
