I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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