Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
