i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
