college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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