i barfeds in our rink
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I wish there were birth control emojis
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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