she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
