You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
