There was a lot of him and a little penis
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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