I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
