You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
