my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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