Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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