Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I stole a fireplace last night.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The struggles of a small town man whore
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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