Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
