its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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