I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
They took my balls.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
