ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
