I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
