I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
