im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
