Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
