She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
