This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
