I wish I only lived at night.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
