She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
