guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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