i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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