You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
