im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
