He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
