can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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