I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
