I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
