he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
my liver is dry heaving
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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