Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
