It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
